Category: Personal Improvement

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The Work Paradox: More Play, Less Pain

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“In a culture that sometimes equates work with suffering, it is revolutionary to suggest that the best inward sign of vocation is deep gladness—revolutionary but true.” ~ Parker Palmer, The Courage to Teach

People prefer leisure to work—no surprise there. What is surprising is that they report more optimal feelings of being “in the zone” when engaged in work.

This strange, yet revealing, paradox may explain why so many U.S. retirees experience depression and ultimately return to work.

While we clearly associate leisure with pleasure, we seem to have an unwarranted prejudice against work: We automatically associate it with pain. This belief is so deeply rooted that it distorts our perceptions of actual experiences. It’s a learned response that severely limits our potential for happiness at work.

To achieve professional satisfaction, you must experience—and consciously record—the positive emotions you feel on the job.

Finding Flow

Claremont Graduate University Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi was one of the first psychologists to study the concept of “flow.”

Flow occurs when we are fully immersed in a task, enjoying ourselves while performing our best. It can happen anywhere, anytime. We experience it when we participate in sports and hobbies. More frequently, our flow experiences occur during periods of peak performance at work.

When we fail to recognize pleasurable moments at work, focusing solely on the negative, we miss out on experiencing more happiness and satisfaction. Each of us must find ways to extract more meaning and fulfillment from the “daily grind.”

It’s often a matter of reframing situations and changing the way we speak about our tasks and responsibilities. Other times, we can devise games and turn work into play. Some people find it helpful to ask a trusted peer to serve as an accountability partner, working toward concrete goals and milestones.

Action Steps

Reflection and action yield meaning and energy. Harvard University Continuing Education Professor Tal Ben-Shahar combines these two powerful learning tools into one concept: “ReflAction.”

In his excellent book, Even Happier: A Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, Dr. Ben-Shahar urges readers who seek happiness to record their experiences and ideas in a journal. In addition, work with an accountability partner to become more mindful of moments of gratitude.

Even Happier features numerous exercises that can be used in groups, book clubs, seminars or workplaces.

Lifelong Learning

The happiest, most successful people are lifelong learners, according to numerous research studies. Learners constantly ask questions and find a sense of wonder in the world.

Recall the wonder and enthusiasm you enjoyed at the beginning of your career. If you’ve lost some of the proverbial “lovin’ feeling” (and most people have), recapture it by initiating an education program of your choosing. Your program should include two categories:

1. Personal development

2. Professional enrichment

Commit to learning material that will benefit you currently and in the future. Be sure to allocate regular time in your schedule for continuing education.

If you don’t know where to start, pick up a copy of 25 Days to Better Thinking and Better Living: A Guide for Improving Every Aspect of Your Life, by Drs. Linda Elder and Richard Paul. Read one chapter each week as part of your personal-development commitment.

For professional enrichment, seek out a mentor you trust, and ask him/her to join you for lunch. You can also hire a coach to help you improve on the job or attend a seminar on the latest developments in your field.

Think about the relationships among all of these activities. What makes them enjoyable? Is there any overlap between the personal and professional? If so, can you identify a common theme in both “work” and “play” that you enjoy?

Making Work More Like Play

Thriving at work allows you to do so at home and at play. There’s really no need to separate the two worlds, according to neuroscientist and “play researcher” Stuart Brown, MD, who describes their strong correlation in his book Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul.

When you feel the temptation to complain about work, stop yourself. Rephrase what you were about to say by focusing on the more interesting parts of your day. Make an active effort to recognize and record the positive aspects of your job so you can experience more pleasure and flow.

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Why Do Leaders Deceive Themselves?

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The secret of rulership is to combine a belief in one’s own infallibility with the power to learn from past mistakes. ~ George Orwell

As much as we’d like to believe that we’re rational human beings, we can all too easily mislead ourselves. Self-deception is a process that encourages us to justify our false and invalid beliefs.

Individuals, organizations and communities experience self-deception — the root of most problems, according to the Arbinger Institute, a Utah-based consulting firm. It’s human nature to blame others, externalize causes and deny our role in organizational struggles. This tendency is so pervasive that few of us escape its reach, and self-deception intrudes into every aspect of our lives. Nowhere is it more destructive than at the top of the leadership food chain.

You’ll find that self-deception:

  • Obscures the truth about yourself
  • Corrupts your view of others and your circumstances
  • Destroys your credibility and the trust others have in you
  • Inhibits your ability to persuade others
  • Thwarts wise decision-making

 

Fortunately, recognizing this leadership trap can inoculate you against its consequences. If, however, you believe that guarding yourself against wishful thinking will prevent self-deception, you may be in for a bumpy ride. Ongoing vigilance is required to preserve immunity, note Arbinger’s experts in Leadership and Self-Deception. Awareness will:

  • Sharpen your vision
  • Reduce feelings of conflict
  • Enliven the desire for teamwork
  • Redouble accountability
  • Enhance your ability to achieve results
  • Boost job satisfaction and overall happiness

 

Are You “In” or “Out” of the Box?

Leadership and Self-Deception features an entertaining story about an executive who is facing challenges at work and home. His exploits expose the psychological processes that conceal our true motivations and intentions from us and trap us in a “box” of endless self-justification. Most importantly, the book shows us the way out.

When you’re “in the box,” you are speaking with your interests and goals in mind. Through the lens of self-justification, you’ll find external factors and other people to blame. You’ll deny responsibility for problems and fail to identify your part in perpetuating them. In your interactions, you’ll try to change other people and convince them to do what you would do.

When you’re “out of the box,” there’s room for openness, authenticity, and interest in and empathy for other people. You’ll seek the true basis for problems, including your own participation. You’ll be less interested in assigning blame or judgment, or being locked into unproductive battles.

Confidence Games

One of the most documented findings in psychology is the average person’s ability to believe extremely flattering things about himself. We generally think that we possess a host of socially desirable traits and that we’re free of the most unattractive ones.

Most people deem themselves to be:

  • More intelligent than others
  • More fair-minded
  • Less prejudiced
  • Better drivers

 

While confidence and a fair view of one’s capabilities and strengths are essential, overconfidence and an elevated sense of worth lead to fragile relationships. When we focus on proving ourselves, we spend far too much time on defending and justifying our behavior. We cut ourselves off from opportunities to understand our colleagues. Our ego prevents us from communicating an interest in others. In other words, we lack empathy.

The vast majority of people attribute their successes to themselves and their failures to external circumstances. This self-serving bias is a feeble attempt to positively reinforce our sense of worthiness and self-esteem.

Our preferred perceptions lead us to test hypotheses that are slanted toward our chosen direction. By consulting the “right” people, we increase our chances of hearing what we want to hear.

We’re not consciously distorting information, but we have considerable opportunities to jiggle various criteria and arrive at conclusions that favor our biases.

Managerial Self-Deception

Try telling a colleague or subordinate that he has a problem, and the depth of his self-deception will become clear.

Helping others see what they’re unwilling to recognize is a widespread leadership challenge. It’s especially tricky when we observe it in others, yet are unable to acknowledge it in ourselves.

In business psychology, the prevailing wisdom has assumed that a high degree of self-confidence leads to promotions and leadership success. New studies, however, prove otherwise, writes business psychologist Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic in Less-Confident People Are More Successful (Harvard Business Review blog, July 2012).

A moderately low level of self-confidence is more likely to make you successful, Dr. Chamorro-Premuzic asserts. Don’t confuse this with a very low degree of self-confidence. Excessive fear, anxiety and stress will inhibit performance, impede decision-making and undermine interpersonal relationships.

But low-enough self-confidence can work in your favor because it:

  1. Makes you pay attention to negative feedback and be self-critical. This means you’re open to learning and improving. Most of us tend to listen to feedback and ignore the negative in favor of the positive. If you want to overcome deficits, you must listen to both positive and negative comments.
  2. Motivates you to work harder and prepare more effectively. If you really want to achieve leadership success, you will do whatever it takes to bridge the gap between the status quo and your professional goals. 
  3. Reduces your chances of coming across as arrogant or delusional. People with lower levels of self-confidence are more likely to admit their mistakes instead of blaming others — and they rarely take credit for others’ accomplishments. 

 

If you’re serious about becoming a strong leader, lower self-confidence can serve as a strong ally, inspiring you to work hard, conquer limitations and, put simply, avoid being a jerk.

Inspired Leadership

When you’re courageous enough to question your own behavior and motives, you model the behaviors you wish to see in others.

Help yourself and your staff by:

  1. Reading Arbinger’s Leadership and Self-Deception.
  2. Working with an executive coach to pinpoint areas of self-deception.
  3. Asking yourself, “What’s my part in any given problem?”
  4. Identifying ways to set aside your ego and achieve optimum results.
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The Art of Bouncing Back

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 “Some of the most important and insightful learning is far more likely to come from failures than from success.” ~ Former Procter & Gamble CEO A.G. Lafley, interviewed in Harvard Business Review (April 2011)

How we respond to failures and bounce back from our mistakes can make or break our careers. The wisdom of learning from failure is undeniable, yet individuals and organizations rarely seize opportunities to embrace these hard-earned lessons.

Harvard business professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter is unequivocal: “One difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing.” Even for the best companies and most accomplished professionals, long track records of success are inevitably marred by slips and fumbles.

Our response to failure is often counterproductive: Behaviors become bad habits that set the stage for continued losses. Just as success creates positive momentum, failure can feed on itself. Add uncertainty and rapidly fluctuating economics to the mix, and one’s ability to find the right course is sorely tested.

Long-term winners and losers face the same ubiquitous problems, but they respond differently. Attitudes help determine whether problem-ridden businesses will ultimately recover.

Luckily, most of us can learn to become more resilient with training and coaching.

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

Take the example of two typical MBA graduates who were laid off from their positions during the recession. Both were distraught. Being fired provoked feelings of sadness, listlessness, indecisiveness and anxiety about the future.

For one, the mood was transient. Within two weeks he was telling himself, “It’s not my fault; it’s the economy. I’m good at what I do, and there’s a market for my skills.” He updated his resume and, after several failed attempts, finally landed a position.

The other spiraled further into hopelessness. “I got fired because I can’t perform well under pressure,” he lamented. “I’m not cut out for finance; the economy will take years to recover.” Even after the market improved, he was reluctant to apply for positions and feared rejection.

How these individuals handled failure illustrates opposite ends of the spectrum. Some people bounce back after a brief period of malaise and grow from their experiences. Others go from sadness to depression to crippling fear of failure—and in business, inertia and fear of risk invite collapse.

Optimism and Resilience

Research clearly demonstrates that people who are naturally resilient have an optimistic explanatory style—that is, they explain adversity in optimistic terms to avoid falling into helplessness.

Those who refuse to give up routinely interpret setbacks as temporary, local and changeable:

  • “The problem will resolve quickly…”
  • “It’s just this one situation…”
  • “I can do something about it…”

In contrast, individuals who have a pessimistic explanatory style respond to failure differently. They habitually think setbacks are permanent, universal and immutable:

  • “Things are never going to be any different…”
  • “This always happens to me…”
  • “I can’t change things, no matter what…”

University of Pennsylvania psychology professor Martin P. Seligman believes most people can be immunized against the negative thinking habits that may tempt them to give up after failure. In fact, 30 years of research suggests that we can learn to be optimistic and resilient—often by changing our explanatory style.

Seligman is currently testing this premise with the U.S. Army’s Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program, a large-scale effort to make soldiers as psychologically fit as they are physically fit. One key component is the Master Resilience Training course for drill sergeants and other leaders, which emphasizes positive psychology, mental toughness, use of existing strengths and building strong relationships.

This military program will no doubt provide insights for civilians who wish to become more effective within their workplaces and organizations.

Learning from Mistakes

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Failure is one of life’s most common traumas, yet people’s responses to it vary widely. Many managers have learned to reframe personal and departmental setbacks by stating: “There are no mistakes, only learning opportunities”—and it’s a great sentiment. In practice, however, their companies often continue to view failures in the most negative light.

Part of the problem lies in our natural tendency to blame. We perceive and react to failure inappropriately. How can we learn anything if our energy is tied up in either assigning or avoiding blame? Still others overreact with self-criticism, which leads to stagnation and fears of taking future risks.

In the 1930s, psychologist Saul Rosenzweig proposed three broad personality categories for how we experience anger and frustration:

  1. Extrapunitive: Prone to unfairly blame others
  2. Impunitive: Denies that failure has occurred or one’s own role in it
  3. Intropunitive: Judges self too harshly and imagines failures where none exist

Extrapunitive responses are common in the business world. Because of socialization and other gender influences, women are more likely to be intropunitive.

Fortunately, managers at all organizational levels can repair their flawed responses to failure. Business consultants Ben Dattner and Robert Hogan suggest three highly effective steps in “Can You Handle Failure?” (Harvard Business Review, April 2011):

  1. 1.      Cultivate Self-Awareness.

    First, identify which of the three blaming styles you use. (Note: They occur automatically and immediately, so they are unconscious emotional responses.) Do you look to blame others? Deny blame? Blame yourself?

    It’s hard for us to see our personalities clearly, let alone our flaws. It’s harder still to learn from our mistakes if we’re caught up in the blame game.

Next, take at least one self-assessment test to help broaden your view of your interaction style. Two popular assessments are the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and the Big Five Personality Test. (You can take a free version online at personal.psu.edu/j5j/IPIP/ipipneo120.htm.)

Finally, work with a coach or mentor to improve your level of self-awareness. While it takes some time to shine a light on our attitudes with respect to failure and blame, each of us can benefit from such reflection and discussion.

For example, think about challenging events or jobs in your career, and consider how you handled them. What could you have done better? Ask trusted colleagues, mentors or coaches to evaluate your reactions to, and explanations for, failures.

Pay close attention to the subtleties of how people respond to you in common workplace situations. Ask for informal feedback. If you’re in a managerial position, you may underestimate how what you say may be perceived as criticism, due to the hierarchical nature of your job.

  1. 2.      Cultivate Political Awareness.

Whereas self-awareness helps you understand the messages you’re sending, political awareness helps you understand the messages others are receiving. It requires you to know how your organization defines, explains and assigns responsibility for failure, as well as how the system allows for remedial attempts.

Political awareness involves finding the right way to approach mistakes within your specific organization, department and role.

  1. 3.      Develop New Strategies.

 

Once you’ve become more aware of your failure response style (and your bad habits), you can move toward more open and adaptive behaviors.

Practice these strategies the next time mistakes and failures present challenges:

Listen and communicate. Most of us forget to gather enough feedback and information before reacting, especially when it comes to bad news. Never assume you know what others are thinking or that you understand them until you ask good questions.

Reflect on both the situation and the people. We’re good at picking up patterns and making assumptions. Remember, however, that each situation is unique and has context.

Think before you act. You don’t have to respond immediately or impulsively. You can always make things worse by overreacting in a highly charged situation.

Search for a lesson. Look for nuance and context. Sometimes a colleague or a group is at fault, sometimes you are, and sometimes no one is to blame. Create and test hypotheses about why the failure occurred to prevent it from happening again.
Blameworthy or Praiseworthy?

Admittedly, some mistakes are more blameworthy than others. As a manager, how do you make it safe for people to report and admit to mistakes?

Harvard management professor Amy Edmondson delineates a “spectrum of reasons for failure” in “Strategies for Learning from Failure” (Harvard Business Review, April 2011), as summarized here:

  1. Deviance: An individual chooses to violate a prescribed process or practice.
  2. Inattention: An individual inadvertently deviates from specifications.
  3. Lack of Ability: An individual doesn’t have the skills, conditions or training to execute a job.
  4. Process Inadequacy: A competent individual adheres to a prescribed, but faulty or incomplete, process.
  5. Task Challenge: An individual faces a task too difficult to be executed reliably every time.
  6. Process Complexity: A process composed of many elements breaks down when it encounters novel interactions.
  7. Uncertainty: A lack of clarity about future events causes people to take seemingly reasonable actions that produce undesired results.
  8. Hypothesis Testing: An experiment conducted to prove that an idea or a design will succeed actually fails.
  9. Exploratory Testing: An experiment conducted to expand knowledge and investigate a possibility leads to undesired results.

Notice how this spectrum progresses from mistakes that are blameworthy to those that could be considered praiseworthy. 

How many of the failures in your business are truly blameworthy? Compare this to how many are treated as blameworthy, and you’ll have a better understanding of why so many failures go unreported.

You cannot learn from your mistakes when the emphasis is on blaming. You cannot learn to become more resilient when your energy is tied up in assigning or avoiding blame.

Perhaps Procter & Gamble’s Lafley said it best in his Harvard Business Review interview: “I think I learned more from my failures than from my successes in all my years as a CEO. I think of my failures as a gift. Unless you view them that way, you won’t learn from failure, you won’t get better—and the company won’t get better.”

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Managing For Peak Performance

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 “Put simply, the best managers bring out the best from their people. This is true of football coaches, orchestra conductors, big-company executives, and small-business owners. They are like alchemists who turn lead into gold. Put more accurately, they find and mine the gold that resides in everyone.” ~ Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, Shine: Using Brain Science to Get the Best from Your People (Harvard Business Press, 2011)

Most managers want their people to achieve excellence at work. We really can’t ask for more. In fact, peak performance can be defined as a combination of:

  • Excellence
  • Consistency
  • Ongoing improvement

To achieve peak performance, each person must find the right job, tasks and conditions that match his or her strengths. Facilitating the right fit therefore becomes one of a manager’s most crucial responsibilities. While every employee has the potential to deliver peak performance, it’s up to the manager to find ways to make it happen.

It’s easy to spot peak performance when it happens. It’s what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes in his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2008). Employees who work at optimum levels experience a state of “flow,” typically losing themselves in a project, meeting or discussion. They may lose track of time or where they are.

Each of us has relished such moments, but it’s hard to purposely replicate “flow” experiences. Many managers struggle to find the right words to rekindle motivation in people who have lost their enthusiasm.

Two Sides of the Disengagement Coin

Disengaged employees often appear to lack commitment. In reality, many of them crave re-engagement. No one enjoys working without passion or joy.

While many factors cause disengagement, the most prevalent is feeling overwhelmed (or, conversely, underwhelmed). Disconnection and overload pose obstacles to performance, yet they often go undetected or ignored because neither qualifies as a disciplinary issue.

Meanwhile, managers try to work around such problems, hoping for a miraculous turnaround or spark that reignites energy and drive. They try incentives, empowerment programs or the management fad du jour.

While it’s impossible to spark flow moments all day long, you can greatly improve your ability to help others achieve peak performance. Until recently, managers tried various motivational methods, with only temporary success.

You can’t sprint to peak performance, the brain needs careful management and rest. Brain science tells us that as knowledge workers, we must manage our thinking minds with care.

In addition to variety and stimulation, we require food, rest, human engagement, physical exercise and challenge. You cannot expect a human being to sit at a desk for hours and produce quality work without providing these essential elements.

We often forget that thinking is hard work. If you work too many hours, your brain’s supply of neurotransmitters will be depleted, and you won’t be able to sustain top performance. Without proper care, the brain will underperform—and brain fatigue mimics disengagement and lack of commitment.

Peak performance also depends on how we feel: hopeful, in control, optimistic and grateful. We need to know that we’re appreciated.

Using Brain Science to Bring Out the Best

While no management guru has found the golden key to unlocking the full panoply of human potential at work, several diverse areas of research shed new light on the possibilities.

Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, author of Shine: Using Brain Science to Get the Best from Your People (Harvard Business Press, 2011), synthesizes such new research into five sequential steps managers can apply to maximize employees’ peak performance. A psychiatrist and ADD expert, he draws on brain science, performance research and his own experience to present a proven process for getting the best from your people:

  1. Select: Put the right people in the right job, and give them responsibilities that “light up” their brains.
  2. Connect: Strengthen interpersonal bonds among team members.
  3. Play: Help people unleash their imaginations at work.
  4. Grapple and Grow: When the pressure’s on, enable employees to achieve mastery of their work.
  5. Shine: Use the right rewards to promote loyalty and stoke your people’s desire to excel.

“Neither the individual nor the job holds the magic,” Hallowell writes. “But the right person doing the right job creates the magical interaction that leads to peak performance.”

Hallowell refers to the five cited essential ingredients as “The Cycle of Excellence,” which works because it exploits the powerful interaction between an individual’s intrinsic capabilities and extrinsic environment.

Step 1: Select

To match the right person to the right job, examine how three key questions intersect:

  1. At what tasks or jobs does this person excel?
  2. What does he/she like to do?
  3. How does he/she add value to the organization?

Set the stage for your employees to do well with responsibilities they enjoy. You can then determine how they will add the greatest possible value to your organization.

According to a 2005 Harris Interactive poll, 33 percent of 7,718 employees surveyed believed they had reached a dead end in their jobs, and 21 percent were eager to change careers. Only 20 percent felt passionate about their work.

When so many skilled and motivated people spend decades moving from one job to the next, something is wrong. They clearly have not landed in the right outlets for their talents and strengths. Their brains never light up.

The better the fit, the better the performance. People require clear roles that allow them to succeed, while also providing room to learn, grow and be challenged.

Step 2: Connect

Managers and employees require a mutual atmosphere of trust, optimism, openness, transparency, creativity and positive energy. Each group can contribute to reducing toxic fear and worry, insecurity, backbiting, gossip and disconnection.

A positive working environment starts with how the boss handles negativity, failure and problems. The boss sets the tone and models preferred behaviors and reactions. Employees take their cues from those who lead them.

To encourage connection:

  • Look for the spark of brilliance within everyone.
  • Encourage a learning mindset.
  • Model and teach optimism, as well as the belief that teamwork can overcome any problem.
  • Use human moments instead of relying on electronic communication.
  • Learn about each person.
  • Treat everyone with respect, especially those you dislike.
  • Meet people where they are, and know that most will do their best with what they have.
  • Encourage reality.
  • Use humor without sarcasm or at others’ expense.
  • Seek out the quiet ones, and try to bring them in.

Step 3: Play

Play isn’t limited to break time. Any activity that involves the imagination lights up our brains and produces creative thoughts and ideas. Play boosts morale, reduces fatigue and brings joy to our workdays.

Encourage imaginative play with these steps:

  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Encourage everyone to produce three new ideas each month.
  • Allow for irreverence or goofiness (without disrespect), and model this behavior.
  • Brainstorm.
  • Reward new ideas and innovations.
  • Encourage people to question everything.

Step 4: Grapple and Grow

Help people engage imaginatively with tasks they like and at which they excel. You can then encourage them to stretch beyond their usual limits.

If tasks are too easy, people fall into boredom and routine without making any progress or learning anything new. Your job, as a manager, is to be a catalyst when people get stuck, offering suggestions but letting them work out solutions.

Step 5: Shine

Every employee should feel recognized and valued for what he or she does. Recognition should not be reserved solely for a group’s stars.

People learn from mistakes, and they grow even more when their successes are noticed and praised. Letting them know that you appreciate victories large and small will motivate them and secure their loyalty.

When a person is underperforming, consider that lack of recognition may be a cause. An employee usually won’t come right out and tell you that he/she feels undervalued, so you must look for the subtle signs. In addition:

  • Be on the lookout for moments when you can catch someone doing something right. It doesn’t have to be unusual or spectacular. Don’t withhold compliments.
  • Be generous with praise. People will pick up on your use of praise and start to perform for themselves and each other.
  • Recognize attitudes, as well as achievements. Optimism and a growth mindset are two attitudes you can single out and encourage. Look for others.

When you’re in sync with your people, you create positive energy and opportunities for peak performance. Working together can be one of life’s greatest joys—and it’s what we’re wired to do.

Maintaining Excellence in Uncertain Times

Nothing is as difficult as managing in uncertain times. With the rapidly changing competitive environment and new technologies, it’s hard to keep up.

Managing people well is even more challenging when you’re constantly putting out fires. How are you supposed to bring out the best in your people when no one has a clue as to what will happen tomorrow?

Most managers draw upon their core values and lessons learned along the way. To ensure success, embrace a plan like the Cycle of Excellence. It can help you manage people when they’re faltering. Perhaps one of the five steps is going unfulfilled. An employee may not be in the right job or may not be sufficiently challenged.

A plan is a mooring to use during times of crisis and chaos—a strategy for redirecting energies in the right direction. It can be used to correct course. You can’t sacrifice performance in the name of speed, cost cutting, efficiency, and what can be mislabeled as necessity. When you ignore connections, deep thought disappears in favor of decisions based on fear.

These five areas of focus can help you avoid fear-based management practices, which have the potential to disable you. Use it to identify problem areas and decide on a plan of action. In this way you and your employee can creatively manage for growth not just survival.

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Applying Filters to Your Speaking

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Have you ever found yourself with the proverbial “foot in your mouth” because of something you said?  We all do that sometimes – and often in situations where we then feel foolish or embarrassed.  I once heard a great way to filter your thoughts before they come out of your mouth, and to consider what you are going to say before you say it.

Before you speak, ask yourself first, “Is it true?”  Meaning, is what you are going to say a truth …. Or is it a rumor, or gossip, or something that you are spreading that doesn’t merit discussion?

Secondly, ask yourself, “Is it kind?”  Who will be hurt if you speak your thought out loud?  Is it a kindness to speak it, or hurtful?

Last, ask yourself, “Is it necessary?”  Do you really need to say it?  What would happen if you didn’t?  Does what you are planning to say create positive action or unintended consequences?

This simple routine for considering what you are doing to say – BEFORE you say it – will ensure that you are always a positive influence to those around you.   Using this simple routine might mean that you stop gossip rather than extending it; that you curb the impulse to share an exaggerated story.  In asking yourself if what you are going to say is true, kind, and necessary, you will also be modeling effective speaking behaviors and encouraging others to do the same.

I have a client who struggles with her place within a management team.   She tends to think faster than most, and as a result also talk first and is often the first to raise her hand or react to an idea in a meeting.   Together, we discussed a new technique that she successfully used when with groups of people.  She simply counts to five before she speaks.   In that way, she can allow the space around her to slow down, she can consider what she is going to say, and she can apply this test as well – is it kind, is it true, and is it necessary?   When she does speak, then, her words serve her well, and she has become known in that management team as someone who is wise, thoughtful, and kind.

Have you considered how you can apply this simple filter to what you are going to say?  How might it make a difference in your interactions?  Let us hear from you!

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Two Distinct Minds

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We have two distinct minds—our conscious mind and our subconscious mind.

Most of us are very aware of our conscious mind because we “seem” to spend a great deal of time there. However, depending on which study you read, it has been proven that 60-95% of the decisions we make and the behaviors we exhibit are generated by our subconscious mind. Think about that staggering percentage and now think about your daily routine. When you got up this morning did you give any specific thought to the routine of getting ready and preparing for your day? Did you implement any step out of traditional order? If you took the kids to school or drove to work, did you drive the exact same route as yesterday? As you have continued through your day have you given any specific thought to breathing? There is always an exception to every rule, however, in most cases the answer to all these questions for many would be ‘no.’

As we live new experiences our subconscious mind very quickly stores data, creates neuro-pathways, and develops routines that allow us to easily duplicate an action or process in the future like driving to work and, yes, breathing. These pre-existing processes are convenient and even helpful. However, there are two questions I think are important to ponder.

  • Are you comfortable spending a significant portion of your life on autopilot?
  • How can you tap into the power of your subconscious mind to accomplish what is meaningful in your life?

 

Autopilot is fine for certain things like which to do first take a shower or have a cup of coffee. However, being on autopilot allows us not to be ‘present’ and provides for missed opportunities. How many opportunities have you missed with your family, your spouse, or at work to do, say, or be something better simply because you were on cruise control. Applied knowledge is power and understanding the power of our subconscious mind allows us to step out of autopilot and unleash our untapped potential. Do you really know what you want? Can you see it clearly in your mind down to the smallest detail? Have you written it down in a clear and concise manner? Do you know why you want it? Do you believe you can obtain it? Charles Simmons, author of Your Subconscious Power states, “Your subconscious thrives on knowledge. In dealing with a condition of life, whether it is a problem or an opportunity, consciously observe its traits. Then decide how you deal with the condition. Assign your knowledge, and your intention to act, to your subconscious. With its reserve of knowledge, your subconscious will then come to your aid.”

Tapping into the power of your subconscious mind can begin by committing to two things. First, deliberately focus your conscious action on positive and results-oriented action. Your subconscious will record these patterns which will help you maintain a positive attitude and focus even when life events take place that could take you off course. Second, change negative influences by deliberately cultivating positive habits that offset negative ones. You cannot erase a negative or bad habit; however, you can replace it with a new and positive influence by simply creating a new pattern your subconscious mind finds noteworthy and is worth repeating. Affirmations are a great system to help make these positive changes take place.

There are so many things in our environment that we cannot control nor influence. However, we have an incredible power source in the combination of our conscious and subconscious mind that is totally within our control. Take control of your destiny, your life, and your success by effectively using the power of your two distinct minds.

Tammy A.S. Kohl is President of Resource Associates Corporation. For over 30 years, RAC has specialized in business and management consulting, strategic planning, leadership development, executive coaching, and youth leadership. For more information visit http://www.resourceassociatescorp.com/ or contact RAC directly at 800.799.6227.

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The “I bought a boat” Theory of Taking Action One Step at a Time

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I once heard a terrific story that illustrates the power of taking action one step at a time.  It came from a general manager of a yacht sales dealer. His typical customer would purchase new yachts and other boats for $1 million dollars or more.

He tells the story this way:

One morning, several of the sales people were standing around, and they were having some fun razzing the newest sales person, a young woman who didn’t really fit the part of a wizened “boater” like most of them did.  Into the showroom walked a couple who also didn’t really fit the part – they weren’t dressed very nicely, and they appeared to be young and probably not quite ready for a $1 million dollar investment in a new yacht.  So, they all “offered” to have the newest sales person talk with the couple – since they didn’t think it would amount to anything.

After quite a while, it became obvious that the couple was serious, and that they planned to purchase a yacht that day.  However, the husband confessed that they hadn’t come prepared to purchase and didn’t have a credit card or much cash to make a down payment.   The new sales person, undaunted, asked them what they did have?  “We only have $100.”  So, the sales person took the cash, and shook their hands.  The couple left the showroom with a huge smile on their faces.

When the new sales person came back to the group of sales people, she was the laughingstock of the group.  The group exclaimed, “You took a $100 deposit on a $1 million dollar boat?  That’s ridiculous!”  But the general manager knew better. He celebrated the sale with the new sales person and responded back to the sales team with this (now famous) conclusion:

“You may think that they didn’t actually buy anything, and you are right that $100 isn’t much of a deposit on a $1 million new yacht.  BUT, what do you think is the first thing that couple did when they left the dealership? When they saw people they knew?  They said, “We bought a boat today.” Now they didn’t really buy a boat – they only put down a $100 deposit on that boat.   But once they told everybody they knew about that new yacht, do you really think they weren’t going to follow through on the rest of the sale?”

Since I first heard that story, I have reflected on the lessons from it many times.  Let’s see if you agree that these are the lessons learned from the “bought a boat” theory.

  • Any action taken towards a goal will get you a step closer to actually achieving the goal itself
  • Just START on your way to the goal – step by step, you’ll get there
  • Once you say your goal out loud to those around you, you are much more likely to follow through
  • Stating your goal as if you are already there, as in, “we bought a boat today” helps you to take action and keep moving toward your goal.  (Note: When was the last time you said your goal out loud as a way to keep yourself motivated?)
  • And, not everyone looks like they can purchase a $1 million dollar yacht, but looks can be deceiving!

What “boat” are you trying to buy? What goals are eluding you this year?  Make the commitment today to take a step – “buy that boat” – and then take another step tomorrow.  Step by step, you WILL get there.

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The Formula For Success

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STRIVING. PERFORMING. ACHIEVING. Those three words say a lot. When you STRIVE, you work hard and exert yourself, often against the tide of conventional opinion, competition, and your own complacency, doubts and fears. When you PERFORM, you are using your skills and abilities to do something…to execute and to get results. Ultimately, when you ACHIEVE, you are living a purposeful life. You reach a level of performance that is indicative of true success: you’re achieving your goals and dreams!

We understand that success is a journey and a way of living purposefully, not a destination. The foundation of our business coaching work is represented by The Formula for Success:

A ( S + K ) + G = PBC      IR (O, P)

Attitudes plus Skills & Knowledge directed by Goals delivers Positive Behavior Change which yields Improved Results, both Organizationally and Personally.

Let’s look at each component of the Formula, working from right to left…

IR

The first thing we look for is how our clients define success. We start out by asking what improved results (IR) our clients want to achieve in their organization or in their personal lives, and how that will be tracked and measured. The importance of a thoughtful definition of success is that it provides a target toward which everyone can aim. Everything else we do is specifically geared around achieving those results.

PBC

Wouldn’t you agree that if that target is different than where you are today, then you must do something (behave) differently to get there? PBC represents positive behavior change. A definition of insanity is doing the things you’ve always done, but expecting different outcomes.

G

G represents goals. Goals provide focus, otherwise there is no direction. Doesn’t it make sense that if people had goals on which to focus their energy, it would be easier to change their behavior in a way that can be sustained? Goal setting is the tool that generates the activity necessary to turn ideas into strategy, strategy into plans, and plans into reality.

S+K

S+K represent the necessary skills (the how to do something) and knowledge (the where and when to do something). Our process focuses on development of behavioral management skills, meaningful communications, influencing or selling skills, problem solving, decision making, organizing time, disciplining, developing subordinates, delegating authority, motivating others, appraising performance, etc. Everyone needs to be very competent in these areas, but especially in the workplace, where more than 50% of any manager’s job involves using these skills.

A

The A stands for attitude (the want to). Our coaching approach is based on a result-oriented philosophy that first involves developing a goal-oriented attitude among people. Attitude is more of a multiplier of skills and knowledge that will directly influence the goals they set and achieve. People will directly determine in many cases whether they turn a problem into an opportunity, or succumb to it; whether they behave in ways that benefit the entire organization or maintain fiefdoms; whether they expand the client base and services provided or allow atrophy to set in; and whether they diligently look for continuous improvement, or remain satisfied with the status quo.

The results we get depend upon our behavior and attitudes toward the people or events involved, and toward ourselves. If attitudes are basically negative, goals will be set low, and it will be difficult to progress. Growth and promotion will be all but impossible until a positive mindset is developed.

There are many ways and opportunities for individuals and organizations to better focus on results, attitudes and behaviors, skills and knowledge, goal setting and achievement. If you are interested in taking an important first step, let’s chat.

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One 3-Letter Word You May Want to Rethink

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Let’s talk about a word we probably all use frequently—it’s a very powerful word, but not in the way you might think.   It’s the word TRY.  How often do we use that word in the context of something we are doing, a goal we are setting, an objective we are reaching for?  It’s hard to even write that last sentence without using “try,” as in “something we are trying to do, an objective we are trying to achieve.”

“Try” has become part of our vocabulary, but it limits our abilities to focus on a goal and commit completely to achieving something.   As a way to illustrate this, let’s do a quick activity.  If you are sitting down, stand up.  Are you standing?  Now … try to sit back down.  No, don’t sit down, TRY to sit down.  How did that work?  What do you notice?   The bottom line:  You can’t try to sit down – you either sit down or you don’t. 

Is that same principle not also true of goals or something we set our minds to – that we either do them or we don’t?  We either accomplish or don’t accomplish what we set out to do.  In a take-off from what Tom Hanks said in the movie League of Our Own,  “there’s no trying in life.”  (Well, he actually said, “there’s no crying in baseball,” but you get the point!)

The point is that you can’t try to achieve whatever you set out to achieve – ultimately, you either achieve it or you don’t.  Consider how often we either hear others say “try” or we say “try” ourselves.   How much more powerful and accomplished might we be if we took that pesky three-letter word out of our vocabulary?  Here are some examples across a wide spectrum of areas:

  • Your kids:  from “Yes, Mom, I’ll try to get my homework done before dinner,” … to … “Yes, Mom, I’ll get my homework done before dinner.”
  • In a meeting at your workplace:   from “I’ll try to talk with them about the project,” … to … “I’ll talk with them about the project.” 
  • With your wife/husband/significant other:  from “Let’s try to spend more time together on the weekends,” … to … “Let’s spend more time together on the weekends.” 
  • In your life:  from “I’m trying to exercise three times a week,” … to … “I am exercising three times a week.”

Do you notice the difference in how the statements above sound when the word try is in them or not in them? 

So, here is your challenge:   For the next week, don’t just try to do whatever you are focused on – do it without the “try” in your sentence.  Catch others in the act too – have them try to sit down to illustrate your point.  And as always, let me know how it goes!   

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The Biggest Killer of Business Growth

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Last week I asked a friend of mine about his business. He told me that he’d had a pretty good year so far but felt frustrated. For the third year in a row, he’s falling short of his annual goals but feels complacent since he’s still doing okay financially.  That complacency has lead to him making fewer calls, having fewer meetings and doing less business than he’d like.

What’s the biggest killer of business growth? It’s not lack of skills or talent; it’s not a poor business plan or even the economy.

The biggest killer of business growth is COMPLACENCY.

How do you know complacency is killing your business growth?

  • You know what to do to grow your business but, for some reason, you’re just not doing it.
  • You’ve lost the excitement you used to have for your business
  • You seem to constantly hit a plateau in your business but can’t get to that next level of growth
  • You set the same goals every month or every year without challenging yourself to get your business to the next level

The antidote for complacency is PASSION. Here are some steps that will help you to get passionate about your business again:

1. Create a 3-year vision for your life in the 6 areas of the life wheel below.

Don’t get too detailed. Spend about 90 minutes and create a compelling future by writing a paragraph or two for each area.

2. Rate yourself in each area. Where are you compared to your vision on a scale of to 100%? If you’re at 80% or above in each area, it’s time to create a new, more compelling vision.

3. Define 1-2 goals in each area that would get you closer to your vision. Goals should be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistically high and Time targeted).

4. Document your emotional “why” for the highest priority 2-3 goals on this list. Your “why” should include how your life will change if you accomplish the goal. What are the rewards of achieving the goal? What are the benefits of not achieving the goal?

5. Create a detailed plan for the top 2-3 goals. This plan should include specific action steps and target dates.

6. Read your 3-year vision daily to keep your excitement about the new, compelling future. Find other ways to keep the vision in front of you.

7. Update this vision annually.

8. Update your goals as needed.

Have you been complacent and found some ways to regain your passion? If so, I’d love to hear how you did it.

Are you complacent now? I’d love to hear how it’s impacting your business and/or what you plan on doing about it.